Carmine and His Lenses
by michelle alexis
Summary: When Carmine is prescribed to get glasses, how does everyone react?
1. Default Chapter Title

Subj:**"Carmine and His Lenses"**  
Date:10/3/99 12:01:06 AM Eastern Daylight Time  
From:[MicheMach][1]  
To:[MicheMach][1]  
  


**"Carmine and His Lenses"  
  
**

This story takes place in Milwaukee. Everybody knows that Carmine is a part time boxer. And unfortunately, everyone also knows the bad stuff that happens to boxers (not the shorts! The guys who are boxers), like because of knockouts bad memory, sometimes really badly bruised faces (now _that_ didn't happen to Carmine), or bad eyesight. Well, that stuff almost never happened to Carmine (except in that ep "The Dance Studio" and maybe a few others) but now let's see what happens when one of those things does happen to him: Bad eyesight, aka he needs glasses. Oooh, this is gonna be good.   
  
(in Laverne and Shirley's apartment, the girls watching Heckle & Jeckle. Carmine was supposed to pick Shirley up an hour ago for a date so now she's pacing around)  
  
Laverne: Shirl, he's alright, both of you can't get mugged in the same week. By the way, it's great you got over it so quick.  
Shirley: I'm not over it! Far from it. I'm going steady with Carmine because I love him and because he can punch anyone's lights out!  
Laverne: Well that's different. Maybe his car broke down.  
Shirley: Laverne, the gym is two blocks away.   
Laverne: He's just a little late. Just sit down and watch Heckle and Jeckle.   
Shirley: I can't, my dress will get wrinkled.  
  
(Laverne puts on a big grin, raises her eyebrow, and turns around to look at Shirley.)  
  
Laverne: So, a nothing special date, huh? Just a regular date, huh? You're wearing a can't-get-wrinkled dress!   
Shirley: Oh be quiet.   
  
(Carmine knocks his knock on the door and Shirley runs into the bedroom)  
  
Laverne: Shirl, you're actin' like you're in high school again!   
  
(she opens the door and there's Carmine in his brown suit)  
  
Carmine: Hey Laverne, where's Shirl?  
Laverne: Remember your first date in high school?  
Carmine: Yeah...  
Laverne: She's doing that again.   
Carmine: Oh well.   
Laverne: Shirl, Carmine's here! Get over here.   
  
(she walks out in her has-to-stay-wrinklefree dress and puts her arms around Carmine)  
  
Carmine: Sorry I'm late. But I see it's worth it.  
Shirley: So why were you late?  
Carmine: I had to get an eye exam.   
Laverne: What's wrong with your eyes Carmine?  
Carmine: I just gotta wear glasses sometimes, no big deal.   
Shirley: You sure? I could drive tonight if you want.  
Carmine: I'm just a little nearsighted, not blind.   
Laverne: Alright, c'mon, get outta here, remember that cop I was tellin' you about, Robert? He's comin' over tonight.   
Shirley: Well why don't you two come with us? Double date!   
Laverne: Nah.... besides, um, we're just gonna watch tv, talk.....  
Shirley: Okay, bye Laverne! Don't do anything I wouldn't do!  
Carmine: Then she might as well not go on a date.   
  
(at the movie theatre, Shirley and Carmine are making out in the back [what else do you do at a movie theatre with a guy? watch the movie? ha!] Suddenly, Shirley hears her name being called. It's some of the Angora Debs from high school!)  
  
Lindsey: Hey Shirl! Shirl!   
Everyone in theatre: Shhh!  
Lindsey: Alright!   
  
(after the movie, Lindsey, Haley, Stephanie, and Jessica all come up to Shirley and it's a mini reunion. All their boyfriends are a few feet away waiting for this to be over.)  
  
Haley: So you're still going out with Carmine, huh Shirl?  
Shirley:Oh, no, we just got back together tonight.  
Jessica: I feel like such a heel now. We ruined your back-together date!  
Shirley: No you didn't, don't worry about it! Where are you all going after this?  
Stephanie: Just to the Pizza Bowl then back to our houses.   
Lindsey: Why don't you and Carmine come with us? The more the merrier.   
Shirley: I guess he wouldn't mind. Sure, why not?  
Stephanie: Great! Let's go everyone!  
Shirley: Oh, I think everyone fits into Carmine's car. Let's drive because it is kind of late.   
Haley: Oh yeah, we heard what happened.   
  
(all 10 people [5 couples] stuff into Carmine's car. He slips on his glasses and starts up the car.  
  
Jessica: Carmine, you need glasses to drive? I've never seen you with glasses before!  
Lindsey: Turn around so we can see you!   
Stephanie: Wow, you look real smart.   
Haley: Yeah. (Haley smacks her boyfriend playfully) Why don't you get a pair of glasses like that?   
Guy: 'Cause I don't need 'em, Hal.  
Shirley: Ladies, these are prescribed glasses, he needs them to drive.   
Guy#2: Doctors are always saying stuff like that. I betcha he can drive just as good without them.  
Carmine: Well I ain't gonna try it, okay?   
Stephanie: But you never know. You might not need them. C'mon, just drive to the Pizza Bowl without them.   
  
(he reluctantly starts driving to the Pizza Bowl, short stopping, taking red lights.... like how Laverne drives! Byt the time they get there, there's one though racing through everyone's mind: He needs those glasses.)  


   [1]: mailto:MicheMach



	2. Default Chapter Title

**"Carmine and His Lenses"****"Carmine and His Lenses"  
**

  
(later that night after the big date/semi small reunion, Shirley walks in with a dreamy yet scared look on her face. Laverne drags herself out and looks at the clock)  
  
Laverne: (yawns) Where were you Shirl? It's 3 in the morning.   
  
Shirley: Oh, no where, just on my date.   
  
Laverne: (perks up and looks at Shirl) So what did you and Carmine do on your date?   
  
Shirley: None of your business. But Laverne, I'm worried about him. He's a horrible driver without his glasses. You shoulda seen the Angora Debs ........  
  
Laverne: What about the Angora Debs?  
  
Shirley: Oh, well we saw Haley, Jessica, Lindsey, and Stephanie at the movies and gave them a ride to the Pizza Bowl. I tell you, they were scared to death.  
  
Laverne: Well what you gonna do about it? Glue the glasses to his face?  
  
Shirley: I don't know! I guess something will have to happen to him to make him realize he needs them.  
  
Laverne: Don't worry about it too much Shirl. Carmine's a smart guy and he'll wear them. In the mean time, it's 2 in the morning and we gotta work tomorrow. And you know what I look like when I don't get enough sleep.  
  
Shirley: Alright, come on. Good night Vernie.  
  
Laverne: night Shirl.  
  
(a week later, Laverne and Shirley are cleaning up after dinner when Carmine walks in all bruised and cut [think the beginning of the ep: "The Dance Studio"]. Shirley and Laverne run over to him)  
  
Shirley: What happened to you? Oh, Laverne, I told you we could get mugged in the same week.  
  
Laverne: He probably wasn't mugged, he was boxing again, right?  
  
Carmine: Neither, I got in a car crash.  
  
(a big sympathy and shock sigh comes from the audience)  
  
Shirley: How? I know how, but are you alright?   
  
Laverne: Check if he has any broken bones.  
  
(the girls start punching him and he winces in pain and grabs their hands)  
  
Carmine: I just got some cuts and needed some iodine.   
  
Shirley: (walks him over to the couch and sits next to him) I told you to wear your glasses. Are you convinced now that you have to?  
  
Carmine: Yeah, now especially, unless you have enough iodine for every time I go to drive.   
  
Shirley: C'mon, put on your glasses, I wanna see how you look. To prove that you look real smart.   
  
(he puts them on and looks in the small mirror on the table)  
  
Shirley: You look real smart.   
  
(suddenly Lenny & Squiggy walk in with big black glasses [think "Date With Eraserhead" the big yellow sunglasses] and trip on the stairs)  
  
Shirley: What are you _doing_ with those things?  
  
Lenny: Well we heard that girls like guys with glasses, so if you like Carmine with those little ones, we'll get all the chicks with these.  
  
Squiggy: (sits next to Shirley and puts his arm around her) You feelin' frisky, Shirl?  
  
Carmine: I may need glasses but I can still punch your lights out Squigg.  
  
Squiggy: Come Len! Let's go to somewhere where they have smart girls. Like the Boys Club.  
  
(they leave and then Shirley turns around)  
  
Shirley: You know, I thought it would be harder to convince you to wear glasses. So I got these.  
  
(she takes out a pair of glasses and puts them on)  
  
Shirley: So we can be smart looking together.   
  
(Carmine smiles and kisses her, then they start making out on the couch and we zoom out because too much smut ruins _my_ script.)  



End file.
